On Saturday 20 July 2009 the world of rugby was buzzing, The British and Irish Lions took on the World Champions South Africa in Durban. The first of 3 mammoth tests to be fought out over the next few weeks. I knew the game was on Sky TV, which I don’t have at home so set off to my nearest watering hole, ‘Chelsea’s friendliest pub’ – The Queens only to find out the friendship didn’t extend to paying Mr Murdoch for this particular game and inviting us all round to watch it. I put Plan B into action and had to move sharpish as they had kicked off. I weaved my way through the Kings road tourists like Shane Williams on a shimmy laden sortie, eager to score in The Chelsea Potter. I’d seen the last Welsh game of the Six Nations there, packed out, a rugby fortress amongst the fashionistas. Unfortunately this time they were showing Ascot, I saw two old punters at the bar, clinging to betting slips dribbling! Oh no! OK, I now decided to put my i phone to Google maps, flicking back and forth to the pub search on my Vicinity application. But not until I’d checked out The Trafalgar, just across the road. Actually I could see from outside it wasn’t on. Off to the Builders Arms then but as I saw the ‘Geronimo Inns’ sign next to the mother breastfeeding her baby outside I knew there wouldn’t be a single drop of beer on the Danish Oiled floors. The nameless wine bar on Sidney Street that used to be a boozer was equally disappointing. Back to the Kings Road then, Henry J Beans bar and grill, I was sure I’d seen sport there before. I was right, as I rushed in trying to decide which of the multi-screens to focus on, I saw figures on a pitch throwing a ball. Yes, a rugby ball? No, a baseball! Man, I need to get my eyes tested.
Surely the Irish guy behind the bar would know, Ireland had won the 6 nations a few weeks earlier. We agreed that my search would be more fruitful on The Fulham Road so that’s where I headed to – PJ’s was a long shot, I was right. Vicinity pointed me to The Crown next to the Marsden, not another breast feeding mother in the window? Bizarrely yes so I moved onwards to The Anglesey Arms where I’d seen the FA Cup semi final a few weeks earlier and bumped into Julian Lloyd Weber. I walked in and walked straight out. At this stage I decided to salvage some of the game at home watching on my laptop on one of those dodgy freesport sites so I hopped in cab. With a faster mode of transport I quickly decided to keep on hunting and expand the search area and headed for the Sports Bar at the mall at Fulham Broadway. 10 quid of a cab fare lighter I sprinted up the escalator building myself up for the second half only to find Sky Sports News on, sports bar my arse, this was starting to get properly stressful.
Outside I decided to head home on the tube only for one last brainwave …. Earls Court! Home of Aussies, Kiwis and Sarfers by the boatload, I was sure to find the game on there, 1,2,3 pubs four. I checked the screen and went straight through the door. I managed to watch the last 18 minutes of an awesome game. The final result after a sterling Lions fightback being 26-21 to South Africa.
My afternoon’s stresses melted away when one of the twentysomething stag party (dressed from head to toe in luminous orange including make up) standing opposite a thirtysomething group of South Africa fans shouted to over, ‘you lucky f*****s, you can stick your boomerangs where the sun don’t shine’….